I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
