You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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