Kiss
Puke
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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