Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
