she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
