his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
