I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
this will be a night to untag.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
