is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
