Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
