So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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