I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
