So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
