just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
