I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
