how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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