I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
not ubering you a puppy
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
