Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
