Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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