I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
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