I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
