If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
