Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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