Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
