Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
