You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
