We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
