Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
