My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
