At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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