did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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