So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
