you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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