Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
