at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
