he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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