Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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