I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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