Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I love you. Go after that dick
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
