South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
