we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
