I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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