wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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