nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
