I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It was confusing and full of hummus
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
