So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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