He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
