take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She's the barista slut.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
