Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
