There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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