It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
