oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
