Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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