To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
