why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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