Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
