i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
