how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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