Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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