Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
