Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
